Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
