He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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