things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
