About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've blown a few things in my day
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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