now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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