Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize