The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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