im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
