I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
