The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
