he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
