got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize