Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
