Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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