glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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