you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
