I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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