Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cannot find my penis.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
