we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And then he peed in my hair
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
