did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
