It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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