It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
