I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
