You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
