She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
