he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
