Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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