seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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