That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm both gender and math confused
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
