Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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