i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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