Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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