Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
