There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
