i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
