how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
