Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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