oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
