i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
