Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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