it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The struggles of a small town man whore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
