she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have aggressive nipples.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
