If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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