if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
