he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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