my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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