if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
