He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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