He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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