The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
