News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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