It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
