I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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