I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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