First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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