hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
