No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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