i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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