Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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