I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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