i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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