Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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