I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Im part way to drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
