she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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