I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
